getting out what you put in

i've been sitting here, trying to think of an opening sentence for this entry for at least 5 minutes. everything that comes to mind feels like a quip, or familiar generality. oddly the topic of the first sentence is (or was supposed to be) only a bridge to the beef of my thoughts, but it's altogether largeness in my life makes my feelings about it hard to convey...concisely, anyhow. music is my life. there i said it. raise your hand if you feel that way. it sounds so small beside the emotion behind it, no? at any rate, my deep affection for music has only a small part to do with what is actually on my mind today.

as if driving a minivan weren't ridiculous enough, a klove sticker suspiciously made its way onto our sedona a few months ago. (it's not really suspicious, i put it there.) and off the cuff that may not seem so out of norm for me. i may be quirky or have a sometimes crass sense of humor, but to know me is to know that i love god, jesus, the kit-n-caboodle; always have, always will, yadda yadda yadda. i feel that my love for music also comes through pretty clearly, just in my day to day interactions (and my job). but never before this season in my life, have those two worlds come together in harmony. it's a true phenomena, people.

i grew up going to church every week, i went to church twice a week at school. i sang hymns, even in front of the entire congregation. in the summertime i spent weeks with my grandparents, and the way to and from my parents' house to theirs they listened to klove, or something to that effect. but in all those years--28 to be exact--i never really took those songs with me, i left them in church and youth group, vbs etc. i was somewhat obstinate about the whole thing really. which surprises me now, because i have always felt most connected to god when i'm singing joyously unto Him--always. it baffles me that it took me so long to engage in that kind of praise outside of a corporate atmosphere. perhaps something can be said for the way all music evolves over time, just as our tastes and opinions do. like ogres & onions, this theme seems to have many layers.

let me paint a picture for you; with words though, i don't have enough canvas on hand for all of you (my adoring fans). this figurative painting is comprised of a few different vehicles, and a girl's addiction to window stickers. let it be known that said girl has never believed in 'bumper' stickers--way too long term. but yes, i am guilty of displaying my affinity for certain bands on my automobiles. before the (small shudder) minivan, i drove a '96 Isuzu rodeo, teal green. great condition, manual, nice wheels, perfect for hauling around one kid and a couple-to a few dogs! if i had to guess i'd say that benny will read this post, so i'll only say this: the rodeo was smooshed and now we have a minivan. i wasn't driving. but that's all i'm saying.

i imagine that in it's prime, you could see that suv coming from miles away (cue whimsical music)...in my own way i celebrated my favorite artists by declaring my love for them via window decal! zeppelin, the shins, the stripes, bob, phish, floyd...the classic/alternative/indie rock list could go on. i suppose this obsession was somewhat like a girl scout, bearing her prized accomplishments on her vest. i am not ashamed to say that i am proud of my rock knowledge, and finely tuned good taste. once upon a time i dreamt of writing for the rolling stone. i thought, who cares about being on the cover?! i wanna buy five copies for my mother..when i'm WRITING for the rolling stone! nothing can make me feel like 'a song' can--nothing. except god.

and even better than the two apart, i've discovered this crazy far-out way of bringing them together. okay, i didn't discover klove per say (not the way al gore discovered the internet); rather, klove has brought to my life this marriage of talent laden music and my most heavenly father. with all of the wonderfulness in that, it has given me something even better--a radio station to enjoy and be able to listen to when my kids are cruising kc with me/us. i used to somewhat religiously listen to an area alternative rock station (not 98.9 haha, my brain can't handle that kind of angst+anger), and still do from time to time. but when it's common place to say things like 'god *&#@^%' and 'if your mom were here right now i bet i could get her to blank my blank', how could i possibly slam those kinds of things on my kids' ears constantly when they go against everything i believe in, everything i'm hoping they will one day choose to believe in? i can't. we can't.

because friends, you get out what you put in. and i'd much rather hear my sons and daughters talking about how god loves us no matter how flawed we are, than about someone's mom blanking someones blank. is this not common sense? i say that sarcastically. look around. this is not, apparently, common sense.

so call it god. call it down right good music. call it us leading by our actions and not just by our words. we call it klove. so even though my husband truly hates window stickers, he's patient enough to let me express myself this way. and i know that i speak for our entire family when i say that klove has been a blessing in our lives. it IS positive and encouraging. and i think it got us out of a ticket once or twice. (thanks, god!)